Today was a fantastic day. I got to go to the beach and stick my toes in the sand. I dug my fingers into the sand at some point too. It felt good. It was like discharging all the pent up negativities into the earth, while the sun poured down heaps of energy filled with love and heat. The sun recharges me. Above the titter of children playing, people talking and dogs barking, there was the whooshing of the wonderful breeze, and the splash-gurgle-splash of the sea, as the tide came in. In the near distance ships sat anchored while little boats puttered to and fro.
I took this pic in the short, blinding half hour when the clouds parted and the sun came out a’blazing.
After this, I left, showered, and rested a little outside the toilets before getting on the beach shuttle to the bus station. At Beach station I rummaged in my bag for my Fenix and realised to my horror that it wasn’t in the bag. I quickly got back on the tram and when it stopped, i literally ran back to spot I had set up. Thankfully my lil pouch was there with my watch in it. I surprised 2 young ladies who were there but I apologised and went PHEW!
Later I received some not so good news. I sat down for a late lunch and tried to process it. On the way the the train, I felt my chest begin to tighten, and my breath quicken. Somehow I triggered an anxiety attack, and I had to stop several times to tell myself to calm my tits down, and breathe. I rationalised that it was my incorrect expectations, the abrupt change in plans, lack of control I felt, on top of being tired from being in the sun today, that is causing this overwhelming chaos in my mind.
I focused on getting things done. Step by step. Avoid triggers. Get home. Be safe. No meds. No meds. By the time I finished my shower, it was over. SUCCESS!
Today was a GREAT day. I recharged, got home safe, and averted a melt. I made it! ο
pj 